Family Phone Moments

When I was in college, I would call home frequently. These are the ensuing craziness . . .

Me: “Hi mom, how are you?”
No “Hi, I’m good. How are you?” but instead
Mom: “Which boy do you like the best? S___, T___, or D____?”
By like she meant which one would you prefer to spend the rest of your life with.

When I called the house, my baby brother picked up the phone. Instead of the usual "Hey, how are you?"" I get: “Do you poop well? Cus I have a product that will make you poop well.”
Never too sure how to respond to such a question.

Calling home and my brother picks up.
Phil: “So Mom likes Justin Bieber; she thinks he’s cute.”
Me: “Ask her if she knows who that is.”
In the background, Mom: “I know who he is . . . He’s a singer.”
Me: “Ask her if she likes Usher.”
In the background
Mom: “I like him too! He looks like a nice person. He has that song ‘Oh My Gosh! . . .there‘s so many ways to love you . . . Oh oh oh.’ ”
And she continues singing the rest of the song. Keep in mind she’s close to fifty.

Yet another phone call home.

Me: “Hey Mom, what are you guys doing?”

Mom: “Watching tv with your brothers.”

Me: “What are you watching?”

Mom in half Malayalam and half English: “Some show about old famous people that are drug addicted or drink too much. It’s on V something. Neil, what channel is this? . . . It’s VH1”

Me: hey mom, there’s a channel that shows soap operas all day long.

Mom: What channel?! Do they have the Bold and the Beautiful?”

She’s been watching that one for the last 15 year of my life