Snapshots II

We were fire and ice. I always ran warm while he ran cold. I loved all things warm. While others complained about the 80 degree weather, I welcomed it. There’s something about summer that I just loved wholeheartedly. Him? Well let’s just say he was the exact opposite. Mountains, snow, and multiple layers of clothes, that was his thing.

It made sleeping in the same bed a little difficult.

His constant complaint was that sleeping next to me felt like sleeping next to a body heater, except in human form. He’d move away from me at some point, but he got stuck with the girl whose body honed in on any sources of heat. Over the course of the night he’d wake up once again with me glued to his side.

On one such night I woke up with him hovering inches away from my face. Lucky for him, I was completely out of it. Confused, I looked over at the clock. It read 3am. I looked back at him and asked, “What are you doing?”

“Making sure you were breathing.”

“Why wouldn’t I be breathing?”

“You’re burning up. I just wanted to see if you were still alive.”

“As you can tell, I’m breathing. Go back to bed.” I turned back onto my side.

“One more thing though.”

I turned back to face him annoyed.

“What?”

“Just this.”

  He kissed me and promptly turned his back to me. Amused, I placed a kiss on the back of his neck and turned over on my side, facing away from him. A second later I felt his arms wrap around me. 

Of course, the next morning he complained about how he couldn't get any sleep what with the human furnace he slept next to. 

Snapshots

                There was a night when we were hanging out at his place. He was cooking. I was sitting at the counter watching him. Music was playing on the stereo system. For the life of me I can’t remember now what the song was, as much as I try to. He was swaying to the music as he took the spoon to check the sauce. Instead of bringing it to his lips, he brought it to mine and said, “Try it.” I took a sip and took a moment to savor the taste. It was good but being my smart aleck self, I replied, “It’s good, just not good as mine.” He laughed and said, “Well next time we can switch places. You cook; I critique.” I laughed and stuck my tongue out at him. There was always something about him that brought out the little kid in me. He tried the sauce himself and said out loud, “It needs a little more salt.”

“You should know by now that I’m terrible at knowing if there’s enough salt in the food. Dad with high blood pressure and cholesterol problems, remember?” I said pointing at myself. He laughed and continued with his cooking. Suddenly, he lifted his head and stopped his cooking and looked right at me.

“What?” I asked him, confused by his actions.  

                Suddenly, he put the spoon down and came around the counter to my side. He pulled me by my hand and led me out to the middle of the room. I looked at him, bewildered by his randomness. I raised my eyebrow, silently questioning him. He just laughed. He took one of my hands in his, intertwining our fingers, and placing the other one on his shoulder. His other hand slid down to my waist, reaching the small of my back. We started swaying to the music, probably off beat but neither of us cared in that moment. I was caught up in the look in his eyes. I had seen it occasionally in the eyes of friends who had the misfortune to fall in love with me, but this time it was different. I knew if you took a photo of us in that moment you would see that look reflected in my own eyes. I was madly, deeply in love with this man.

The song ended. He resumed cooking and I went back to my place by the counter, watching him. Try as I may I couldn't get tired of watching him. Guess that's what love is.

It was random moments like this that made me fall harder for him. He was unpredictable, very random, and prone to doing little acts of love.

If I had to pick a song that fits that night perfectly, it would be "We don't have to take our clothes off" by Ella Eyre. Thank you Youtube.

Life musings, Pooh Bear, & whatnot

“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.” 
                                                                              - Winnie the Pooh 

Sometimes life gets busy, crazy. You get caught up in all the wrong priorities and forget all the important things. You could say that's what happened to me but unlike most I was aware of what was happening. I knew and didn't do anything to stop it. I had the usual excuses. Work was hectic-ish, there was soo much to study, my exam is right around the corner, there's so much to do, etc.

But the problem of prioritizing all those things, not that they're not important, is that it leaves you feeling isolated, lonely, and slightly crazy. And I was certainly going crazy. I had become the friend that had to always say "Sorry, I can't. Have to study, work, etc." I became the daughter that would come home at 10pm from work, say a quick hi and go straight to bed. There would be days that would go bye where I didn't see my own parents. This is despite the fact that I live with them, I was probably also starting to become a shitty sister. I barely knew what was going on in my brothers' lives or bothered to ask. If I had a boyfriend around this time, I'd probably make a shitty girlfriend. It felt as though my life was at an absolute standstill, wrapped up in work and studying, while everyone around me got to live.

Along the way I was also losing myself, the part of what made me Me. And believe it or not, the girl who used to enjoy her solitude for the most part, was starting to fear the idea of spending her life alone, despite the fact that the idea of a house on a beach, a few kids, and a dog still seems like the dream. I guess there's something about having the people around you finding significant others, getting engaged, getting married had be feeling like the turtle from the turtle and the hare fable. I had become withdrawn, quieter, less social and outgoing. And it was eating away at my sanity, despite the fact that this life was my choice and I made it a year ago knowing that it was the best considering my circumstances in the here and now.

Then, about a week ago I found out my cousin passed away. Suddenly, everything turned upside down. I put my priorities list on hold for a moment. I started coming home early to spend time with the people I love. I'd come home and sit and actually talk to my parents. Anyone who meets my parents knows that they always have interesting stories to tell. Unlike me, they have lives, my mom, especially. She told me about this 80 year old lady she met on her flight back home from the funeral, how they spent the entire plane ride talking to each other.

Sitting there talking to the two of them, I remembered all that I had put to the side in favor of work and the CPA. I have a pretty great relationship with my parents, despite the fact that I live with them. It took time and not a few hurdles and troubles before we got to where we are right now, but I wouldn't take any of it back. Sometime in college I came to realize that my parents are people too and not just my parents. Not just that, there will be a day when they won't be here anymore, because at some point we all die. The last thing I want is to spend our days arguing and staying mad over the little things. Granted, it's easier said than done, especially after moving back home after college, But, it doesn't change the fact that at the end of the day they're the ones who stay by your side when all else goes to hell.  

As much as my cousin's death pained me, it also reminded me of everything that I had, all the relationships in my life. It gave me a little part of myself back. May not be much but it's a good starting point to rebuilding who I am. As much as I complain about my life/schedule right now, I still have it pretty damn great. Sure I don't have a life between work and studying and the concept of the weekend makes no difference to me. But, I know at the end of this part of my journey, I know I'll have people waiting for me. I just need to make sure there's a me to get to the finish line.

 So yes my life will still be work and studying until I pass this last exam, Just now, I can see what's waiting for me at the end of this road and if I remember not lose myself along the way, I should be ok.


" 'I don’t feel very much like Pooh today,' said Pooh.
'There there," said Piglet. "I’ll bring you tea and honey until you do.' "
                                                                         - Winnie the Pooh

Two Days with My Grandmother

About a week ago my cousin passed away. My mother, my grandmother, my aunt, and I went to both the wake and the funeral. Obviously a somber occasion. You won't find too many people cracking jokes or not thinking about death. We sat near the back row and well, it gave a pretty good view of anyone coming in to give their condolences to the family and pay their respect to the dead.

One group that came in caught my attention, mainly because one of them looked very family. Then I realized I knew one of them. He was a friend and I say friend loosely since I hadn't spoken to him in years. My mother, on the other hand, recognized him immediately. She asked, "Isn't that S?"
I replied, "Yes."

My grandmother, having overheard my mother, quickly buts in, asking, "Who?"
Mom replies, "Oh he's so and so's son."
"What does he do?"
"He's a d_____."
My grandmother turns to me and says, "Do you know him?"
"Yeah, I do."
"Do you have his number?"
"No and we're at a wake!"
But of course it didn't stop there.

The next day after the funeral my grandmother and I walked to the car to grab our coats. She asked again, "Did S____ come?"
"No."

Then, that very afternoon as we waited for our flight, she turned to me and asked yet again, "So you don't have his number?"
"No I don't." I didn't bother asking who the "he" she was referring to was.
"You should talk to him, before it's too late."
I just gave her a look and laughed to myself. I said what I always say to her when she brings up the subject of my singlehood.
"Sure , . ."

Another time during the trip . . .
On the drive from the office to the hotel my family was talking about how potential guys to set me up with and got on the topic of "qualifications." Somewhere in that conversation I put in my input which was, "I want a tall guy."
"How tall?"
"Six feet?"
"You're never finding a guy."
"Looks fall away, waistlines expand, but a person's height doesn't really change."
They had no response to that.


FYI I said the six foot thing just to piss off my grandmother, not because the guy I date has to be that height or taller. Personally, I think that's just setting myself up for disaster.